$ld: ldump –raw

Where is the… the raw cruel pain of being alive? I had dreams for a while. I remember having them. At least for some time. They would often come out like popcorn in the microwave: salty or sweet, hot at first and with a smoky aftertaste. Simpler days, when reading under the blankets at 1 AM was the best it could get. And following the lines of an old library tome I was escaping reality, somewhere far beyond where anything was possible…

The raw and the cruel are right here. COVID-19, Australian fires, Florida storms, plane crashes, killer hornets… But is that all so abnormal that we feel suffocated or maybe it was always out there in a form or another and what is actually happening is just a sick form of feeding hard to swallow information to everybody in order to induce mass psychosis and depression. I don’t say we shouldn’t be careful and protect ourselves or that all of the above is fantasy. But what if all this negativism thrown at us just another form of war? What if we needed a war in order to progress, to boost “post-war” economy, to shake us form the procrastination that engulfed us as of lately?

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Cider Blues

I got this bottle of cider and Janis on a disc
lonely, hurt, I write you letters
and my soul jumps a little bit,
the words seem incomplete
all I need is a hot summer on my cold street
a mustang that never gets tired
and your hands down my hips…

I tilt my head onto the rhythm
the mouth spreads lies
and other sweet things you’d like to feel,
I wonder
what in the whole world I could’ve said
so outrageous, wicked, so bad
that got you on that early train….

And I got the blues baby
it’s pushing the desert in me
my sunrise caught me dreaming
this silence is an old stoker,
but all I need is a hot summer on my cold street
a mustang that never gets tired
and your hands down my hips…

The passage

I have met her in a dream
where the nights refuse to stay
and I am driving to the mountains left side from the sea,
have a calling for the heights
and got a house to build,
my two arms digging making place for roots to fit –
oaks to grow up in our garden
for our kids to play;
showed your soul through opened rib-cage at occasions
and the bleeding pulled your madness to the surface,
in the battle to exist
you did misspell the road to glory…

I have met myself through life
an old men always feeling younger,
I do not dream but did imagine
all the terrors locked in bottles of their own,
it took some time to learn the lessons
took a lifetime to remember words of wisdom written in the clay,
my second mother left a testament for loving
words were few but burnt in deep,
and did I listen?
I recall the war as I do the taking my goodbyes
hoping that beyond the havens she is very much alive…

I have met my army marching
their feet naked and the hands up in the air,
counting stars when nothing’s left to trust
they slide one after the other in the gutter,
I loved her once, I’ve got a photograph misplaced somewhere
but nothing could have guessed the silence to become,
when the grass turned greener everywhere
while my backyard covered with a yellow scent,
the Doctor wrote me medication
and I fell asleep once more,
dreaming of a calling for redemption,
dreaming of a different world…

Leap of Fate

November’s gone, it’s been a while
and March may never come again,
it’s one step left to fill the distance
I wonder what it takes to fly and what it takes to fall,
toast and coffee in the morning
dining scarcely long past dusk
the perfect equation is what I’ve drawn on paper
life is square and love seems measured,
is this the leap one’s asked to take
when rains come cold in late December,
pouring wine and making pudding
all is white yet nothing to remember…

October ends (II)

a-street-in-l'hermitage_-pontoise_camille-pissarro_camille-pissarro__86579.1556873541[1]

October ends in Paris, once more the barrel’s filled
I’m missing up nobody but feelings I have willed,
the church’s tower burned down to the ground
now you see the skies when kneeling at the holy crown
rains wash out your sorrows and you dry up in the sun
and wonder if your writing could paint the story right…

The trains you used to book have never ceased to run,
where Pissarro still brushes up on the rue de l’Hermitage
you’ve slept on air with roaches running errands in the dark,
while the cold steps to the showers woke you every time
you gave it from your heart and could follow far beyond
all you asked in change was loving not some nickles in a jar…

October ends in Paris and November follows close
in a wagon in a forest on this day they stopped the war,
drinking wine to celebrate I keep the wishing to myself
for I have won this battle yet soreness hardly ever fades,
‘What happens to the Heart?’ asked Cohen from the side
‘You see, I knew about the ending’ was all I’ve ever got…

Biofizica

Gândurile mele s-au blocat –
un circuit sinaptic a căzut în reflecție la o intersecție neurală
și problematica dezbătută creează incertitudine,
picioarele sunt blocate între înainte și înapoi
peretele abdominal freamătă sub tensiune
iar brațele sunt ramuri cu degete încleștate în aer…

Din lobul frontal se scurge ca un pârâiaș, nimicul
alunecă peste coaste, ocolește rotula dreaptă
și hrănește o baltă rece și neagră cu gambe de cocostârc,
iar lumina rămâne suspendată la un picometru de retină
astfel încât percepția este acaparată de beznă
într-o singură secundă când existența devine un paradox…

Glue

Capture

How do you sleep at night knowing it’s a lie?
alley cats are blue but her eyes are green with glue
born red she’s turned black, a hooker for the screen
one, two, three… rising stars never got you very far
the music on vinyl made her swing, made her thrill
she came dressed in leafs like the late autumn bliss
yet she does nothing of the things she speaks…

Poem II

The Red Turtle by Nick-Ian @DeviantART

I walked off a cliff and put my ear onto the Sea
and there were all,
each heart had wings and swam under me
and my love floated through mirrors I was not allowed to see,
for that was my own,
I was here and the doors took to me
new pair of arms to plant one tree
new pair of eyes to greet,
I slept into the deep
with every thought I loved, I lived…

Poemă deșirată

Poemul de bază se compune dintr-un singur cuvânt, iar cuvântul care să exprime toate sentimentele mele într-o ordine descifrabilă este în continuare de negăsit. Am vrut să scriu o poezie, am încercat să încheg versuri, să adaug rimă după rimă, fie ea și albă, fără succes. Literele refuză să compună cuvinte, iar acestea din urmă nu răspund chemării mele ci se împrăștie după o regulă mai mult sau mai puțin browniană. Sentimente. Totul pornește de la sentimente și se termină cu sentimente. Motivația fiecărei acțiuni este într-o anumită măsură o simțire. Dragoste, foame, furie, teamă, frig… Și ce faci când tot ce îți rămâne în suflet e o vâltoare, un haos, o furtună ce răscolește și rupe fâșii din orice sens și care alungă orice speranță de ordine și frumos? Din contră există frumos și în mijlocul unei furtuni, dar pentru a înțelege trebuie să te poți delimita de vârtej, ori să fie vorba de furtuna altcuiva.

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