What there is to say

morning and coffee
the window, the Sun, fresh air before noon
yesterday
the scene, the play, the rush, an old lady
the machine
“You want to get rid of your wife?”
I quit…
the pride
the drama
the shots
a walk, lemon juice, pasta
“What’s with this voice?”
Poland
a photo, three words, the white
the wish, the best
old friends
a walk in the park
the talk –

rain
feelings
the wait
hold tight, wrong, too long
alone
blue, time, no cats
the promise
“I would have…”
south of Paris, more books
fight
build
love
a daughter of Eve
a son
a dog
the Pope…

the Story –

The Poem

I want to write a poem about a time I have forgotten
I want to sing a song we played a life ago
running long the streets to another half-full café
where people kept smoking and beer was cheap,
do you remember the guitar riffs
and the full glasses with good words to sip,
used to get drunk on glances and the last Sunday hit
your red ribbon on that sky blue dress
I’ve danced you baby to the last of my deep breaths…

I want to write the words, all that I have promised
I want them engraved on a stone from the sea
for the world to know and your heart to feel it
all that’s been missing is what we left behind,
I do remember the walks in the park
pride made us wrong and guilt drove me crazy,
my way took a wrong turn and I could not find you
I took a chance to ask a big diamond
and the sun went purple in a pool of free stars…

I want to write a poem about a good time
I want to sing a song about tomorrow…

Life in Paris

When I’ve opened the only window of my studio flat this morning and took in the astonishing view over Paris that the height of a 26th floor can provide I suddenly felt free again. Rays of the end of May sun were washing the gray cement surface of the twin tower in front of me and stumbling down to the square blocks that cover the narrow alleys and the openings that often turn into playground for an army of children coming from from smaller or larger apartments all around. The noise of the street to the left is distorted and than amplified into a low constant humming as proof that life still exists and isolation is nothing but self-imposed. The gray takes me to La Defense, years ago, when I first visited Paris and everything was a mystery asking to be solved and each step was another adventure. The warmth of the sun did not change much, nor its shining or the deep blue of the Parisian sky.

I sipped again the hot dark-brown essence that I love preparing every morning using my very own espresso machine and a grinder for the coffee beans that I find in obscure little shops. I used to add sugar but later on exchanged it for rich milk fat in an attempt of living healthier. It is a ritual that brings joy and a few moments of so much needed tranquility before taking off into the tumult of the never-ending hospital work. Today however is Saturday and I am not on call, and Monday is a national holiday in France, and seen from the little window of my 26th floor studio flat, life is once again beautiful and I can feel the calling of the yet to be explored Parisian streets slowly pouring into every part of me. I almost have the impression that the COVID-19 pandemic never existed in the first place.

….

Between the lines

I’d see beauty
my eyes turned white
your face is a color that I feel like a sound,
the last beer
spilled on my fingers in a bad pub
it was hot before it was cold
your voice sufficed
in a dark that was blind
fell deep inside
addiction for a good mind,
summer stayed for a while
something is broken,
broken
it is the world
I closed and see wrong
no heat for my own,
lips from between the lines
million thoughts
came before each bite
honey
water and hard
lost in a pond
I died and turned out alive…

Cozy Stupor

In a cup of precious crystal I have poured the cozy stupor
scarlet waves washing sorrows like blinds in winter cabin keep the cold outside
and words have built a wall to hide the scattered drops of poppies in the fields,
I am frozen in the melting sun I used so long for cover but my pocket is full of stars
my soul is reaching out the moment I have stepped through looking glass
journeyed for a higher meaning just to find the truth
that one must die a thousand times to rise above its youth…

paint my heart in darkest colors
write my letters in the bloody rust,
messages to the one I held
to never read and never trust…
and if you must,
hunt the beast inside like demons waking from the past
kissing it would be the last,
so keep away,
it is the only road to gray and wise sitting on a porch in the suburbs
nursing cats and dogs and dreams…

and when you tell her silence is the cure
a girl in red seams life to ruins of a certainty that used to be,
I must confess those days are gone but not the memory
and adds each day a longing for the carnival I want to live…

Armistice (II)

Sixty years it took for glory
walked past and jumped the queue
like craving sold by drugsters
love burns but you never do…

***

coffee no sugar and Billie Holiday for this cold little heart
“when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you…”
baked pumpkin from last night and salty seeds,
I wander still
will you sing Hallelujah?
or let my wishing lean…

***

“On The Road” today
ran from Denver east back home,
the story tells

***

Happy anniversary!
(…)
N.B. Don’t forget, the cake

Azulejos

I make up stories to survive
and paint them in my bright blue vibe,
remembered thoughts form yesterday
eyes that smiled before they went away,
like that evening on our deck someday
long before the hair turned gray…

I loved a girl and she loved me back
but why were I so sweetly sad
it must’ve been a void I truly had
for I woke up, it was too late…

I shall remember you
as the days we danced and the moon,
the tram 28 and narrow paved roads
you showed me but I could not see
blind to the light that shone in me…

Azulejos, to give life to walls
one poem may reach your soul,
the evening was sad the evening was cold
but not as much as the last words she’s said…

It’s music that runs through me
an old lady singing,
she knows my heart like the back of her hand
not in the words she spells
nor wrinkled notes on her head,
for poetry is one lonely friend…

Setea

Camille Pissarro – June Morning, View over the Hills over Pontoise

Am pictat la așternut de seară
condurii tăi cu talpa măslinie și luna presărată în geam,
în linii uniforme am unduit o apă
să zăbovesc în brațele-i doar nuferi-gânduri
și torțe roșii într-un lan din veșnicie…

Plouă peste oază și stoluri curg în mare
nimicul se adună și e o sete care doare
când din țărână crește iarbă și din iarbă nasc stejarii
durează-mi Mare temelii din stânci cu tâmpla albă
și-mi sculptează tu Iubito sufletul din sare…

Vino-n vis cu mine în noaptea cea mai lungă
să răsărim necunoscuți în calea de pe urmă
să-ți scriu ochii în poezii și piept în florile de viță;
oare mai răsfoiești tu stele aprinse peste zare
și insule din zile cu misterul șoaptă temătoare?

Green Eyes

Oh I need eyes to see
beauty that was put in me
for I am blind
to the passing and the time,
this heavy heart needs rest
from sunflowers feeding off my chest
and I need to grow
vineyards in my desert soil
on the paths I traced for finding me;
and they are green,
like musky valleys in between
mountains shaking when you scream,
and I need those eyes to see
through colors fading next to me,
the face of the unknown
voices speaking backwards
when there’s no one there to be,
close your eyes
and look and love with me
there is always this to see,
the sunshine,
and the oath you took with me…