Melancholy

©A fabulous woman

Hard covered, written with the gift
you found a book to live by it
then I kissed you on the wrong right cheek
since the night the pages fled was so dark I could not see,
wished a poem brought you back
to that wicked pub where we last danced
but it is too late,
statement’s made in white, bowing under petrol eyes
and I got the Sun inside to shine no wisdom –
could I burn you if I tried?
is there purpose in this drive?
felt each time he asked “are you a Jew?”
“no, I’m not!” just one among so many few
something lost in between the pagan I have been
and your perfume in the London fumes
I would touch yet would not feel,
taught me how to nurture and not to stir
on the memories we shall become
let them flowers grow
a whole garden painted on a purple sky…

The Silence

Where does it all begin,
up until we end together I may spill a thousand dreams…
I’ve been given a broken ladder
but the courage was within,
I have shaped my words in pain and painted purple in the dark
saw you sparkling,
you left shadows in the chambers of my heart –
that sweet emotion,
always longing for those lights up in the mountain…

In the end we are alone
swimming in our ocean,
strangers –
nothing more than falling stars burning to exhaustion,
looking not for love but all there is to give
our passion for another…

Sonnet for a friend

What to scribble when there’s nothing left to say?
only scattered pointers, lines and colon breaks,
happy words I used before are turning meaningless
and the page is blank each time I do confess…

there is this growing fear engulfed in nothingness
wished I had a burning heart like the furnace in the sun
or a heart of clay to mold the passion through my days,
but I’m built from aching flesh and longings in a dream…

climbing on a ladder leading to no end
I must’ve lost the way for looking back I saw no other
only darkness dressing up the feelings I’ve held in
and I asked myself “Oh father where do I begin?

the music

lucky notes and lyrics written for no fame
on a New York City oldest grumpy stage
with empty chairs,
in the end
music is what still remains
and there’s no shame,
we walked those roads and climbed the stairs
in pairs –
we were young and had no care
nothing could’ve bothered,
hair was long and rich and brown
riding in my mustang ’65
money scarce but love was strong
was all that mattered…

lucky strikes in nameless pubs
after shots and after dark
poured us whisky in the jar
and we never stopped the gig
until the end –
fell in love with life that I dissent
white porch, roses and a swing
so we ceased to be a thing
but music played,
nothing could’ve stopped the beat
round that summer in the heat
I did write my greatest hit
but it’s a sad song
for it was wrong…

as with poets rise and fall
Rolling Stones be getting old
and Bowie,
David’s in the stars with Cohen
and I’m even more alone
in this kingdom built from gold,
the gold is cold –
like empty chairs surrounded by a whole
it’s raining roses
in the New York City oldest famous hall,
the music never stopped…

round that summer in the heat
I did write my greatest hit
but it’s a sad song
for I was wrong…

What there is to say

morning and coffee
the window, the Sun, fresh air before noon
yesterday
the scene, the play, the rush, an old lady
the machine
“You want to get rid of your wife?”
I quit…
the pride
the drama
the shots
a walk, lemon juice, pasta
“What’s with this voice?”
Poland
a photo, three words, the white
the wish, the best
old friends
a walk in the park
the talk –

rain
feelings
the wait
hold tight, wrong, too long
alone
blue, time, no cats
the promise
“I would have…”
south of Paris, more books
fight
build
love
a daughter of Eve
a son
a dog
the Pope…

the Story –

The Poem

I want to write a poem about a time I have forgotten
I want to sing a song we played a life ago
running long the streets to another half-full café
where people kept smoking and beer was cheap,
do you remember the guitar riffs
and the full glasses with good words to sip,
used to get drunk on glances and the last Sunday hit
your red ribbon on that sky blue dress
I’ve danced you baby to the last of my deep breaths…

I want to write the words, all that I have promised
I want them engraved on a stone from the sea
for the world to know and your heart to feel it
all that’s been missing is what we left behind,
I do remember the walks in the park
pride made us wrong and guilt drove me crazy,
my way took a wrong turn and I could not find you
I took a chance to ask a big diamond
and the sun went purple in a pool of free stars…

I want to write a poem about a good time
I want to sing a song about tomorrow…

I once got to know a girl

I once got to know a girl
I gave her flowers
I gave her words
but most of all I gave her songs and listened to them all,
it made me fall the high rock hill
danced this dream along,
she followed for a while
gone the wind and gone her springs
I loved her on the wire…

I once got to know a girl
her eyes were forged in fire,
fed her pages from the book to build up on desire
never told me what she took
purple heart was old and tired,
on the road the star went higher
shone me to the west…

I once got to know a girl never to forget
beat the rhythm in this cellar
something must’ve changed,
got to know that girl or so I’ve felt…

Life after you

I find it hard to follow
it’s hard not to believe
you are not the sunny mornings
the sun is more a cerebral imprint,
is this a hint?
made me be a giant
a bear to hug if cold outside
and
I
still love you…
why can’t you believe
roses in the garden
oaks that drain into the sea
sometimes I will wonder
what is you and me,
a game we played so well
promises to void
feelings that rebel
dancing in the evening
who am I to tell…

I loved you for an evening
a way to ring the bell
colors fading
what else is there to spell,
my heart belongs to nothing
to something I have felt
and flowers in the morning
kissing under stars
I had you for a while
my lips to spell your name,
missing
the painting of a mile
and greatness comes along
to play
the odor in your smile
made me live again…

The Hat

Invaders walking in my house
their armies stepping forward fighting with a butter knife
and one by one I’ll put them down,
they ask me for a number
and all I do is close another door
in a memory that’s deeper than before,
bringing out the silence I don’t feel a hero anymore
the half moon in my hand is a killer
but my soul starts to forget,
sitting at the longest table I get only half-full plates
familiar faces roaming make a party I don’t get
blonde hair turned to fire just a glance before it sat
while getting drunk on coffee I do wear the hat,
but mornings in the sky are certainly the worst
dreams are left to die before they find a place to nest
and little things is what I have
when the wild hearts go to rest…