I’ve been published! Yesterday, one of my older poems was featured on the website of The Opiate Magazine and is going to appear in the upcoming fall issue. There is a first for everything. Feeling happy.
What to scribble when there’s nothing left to say? only scattered pointers, lines and colon breaks, happy words I used before are turning meaningless and the page is blank each time I do confess…
there is this growing fear engulfed in nothingness wished I had a burning heart like the furnace in the sun or a heart of clay to mold the passion through my days, but I’m built from aching flesh and longings in a dream…
climbing on a ladder leading to no end I must’ve lost the way for looking back I saw no other only darkness dressing up the feelings I’ve held in and I asked myself “Oh father where do I begin?“
I woke up on the left side longing for the right side my feet felt the cold, yet I’ve dreamed I was breathing fire I still make it rain to hide my tears from the sun…
lucky notes and lyrics written for no fame on a New York City oldest grumpy stage with empty chairs, in the end music is what still remains and there’s no shame, we walked those roads and climbed the stairs in pairs – we were young and had no care nothing could’ve bothered, hair was long and rich and brown riding in my mustang ’65 money scarce but love was strong was all that mattered…
lucky strikes in nameless pubs after shots and after dark poured us whisky in the jar and we never stopped the gig until the end – fell in love with life that I dissent white porch, roses and a swing so we ceased to be a thing but music played, nothing could’ve stopped the beat round that summer in the heat I did write my greatest hit but it’s a sad song for it was wrong…
as with poets rise and fall Rolling Stones be getting old and Bowie, David’s in the stars with Cohen and I’m even more alone in this kingdom built from gold, the gold is cold – like empty chairs surrounded by a whole it’s raining roses in the New York City oldest famous hall, the music never stopped…
round that summer in the heat I did write my greatest hit but it’s a sad song for I was wrong…
morning and coffee the window, the Sun, fresh air before noon yesterday the scene, the play, the rush, an old lady the machine “You want to get rid of your wife?” I quit… the pride the drama the shots a walk, lemon juice, pasta “What’s with this voice?” Poland a photo, three words, the white the wish, the best old friends a walk in the park the talk –
rain feelings the wait hold tight, wrong, too long alone blue, time, no cats the promise “I would have…” south of Paris, more books fight build love a daughter of Eve a son a dog the Pope…
I want to write a poem about a time I have forgotten I want to sing a song we played a life ago running long the streets to another half-full café where people kept smoking and beer was cheap, do you remember the guitar riffs and the full glasses with good words to sip, used to get drunk on glances and the last Sunday hit your red ribbon on that sky blue dress I’ve danced you baby to the last of my deep breaths…
I want to write the words, all that I have promised I want them engraved on a stone from the sea for the world to know and your heart to feel it all that’s been missing is what we left behind, I do remember the walks in the park pride made us wrong and guilt drove me crazy, my way took a wrong turn and I could not find you I took a chance to ask a big diamond and the sun went purple in a pool of free stars…
I want to write a poem about a good time I want to sing a song about tomorrow…
When I’ve opened the only window of my studio flat this morning and took in the astonishing view over Paris that the height of a 26th floor can provide I suddenly felt free again. Rays of the end of May sun were washing the gray cement surface of the twin tower in front of me and stumbling down to the square blocks that cover the narrow alleys and the openings that often turn into playground for an army of children coming from from smaller or larger apartments all around. The noise of the street to the left is distorted and than amplified into a low constant humming as proof that life still exists and isolation is nothing but self-imposed. The gray takes me to La Defense, years ago, when I first visited Paris and everything was a mystery asking to be solved and each step was another adventure. The warmth of the sun did not change much, nor its shining or the deep blue of the Parisian sky.
I sipped again the hot dark-brown essence that I love preparing every morning using my very own espresso machine and a grinder for the coffee beans that I find in obscure little shops. I used to add sugar but later on exchanged it for rich milk fat in an attempt of living healthier. It is a ritual that brings joy and a few moments of so much needed tranquility before taking off into the tumult of the never-ending hospital work. Today however is Saturday and I am not on call, and Monday is a national holiday in France, and seen from the little window of my 26th floor studio flat, life is once again beautiful and I can feel the calling of the yet to be explored Parisian streets slowly pouring into every part of me. I almost have the impression that the COVID-19 pandemic never existed in the first place.
I once got to know a girl I gave her flowers I gave her words but most of all I gave her songs and listened to them all, it made me fall the high rock hill danced this dream along, she followed for a while gone the wind and gone her springs I loved her on the wire…
I once got to know a girl her eyes were forged in fire, fed her pages from the book to build up on desire never told me what she took purple heart was old and tired, on the road the star went higher shone me to the west…
I once got to know a girl never to forget beat the rhythm in this cellar something must’ve changed, got to know that girl or so I’ve felt…